2nd round of Avastin

Went into the Tom Baker yesterday to have my 2nd round of Avastin. So far, so good. Haven't had any side effects (muscle pain, sore throat). I'm sure it will happen and get worse over time, but that's in the future and all I know is that I am here and now.

Have spent quite a bit of time truly pondering how lucky we actually are to be here in the first place. Even though I've been dealing with brain cancer from my original diagnosis on August 19, 1997, I truly have not sat back and realized how lucky I am to actually be here in the first place until the serious news September 11, 2008. What's up with that? Why does it take us something major to realize the benefits of being alive in the first place.

I had already in the past been operated on twice, had 3 separate rounds of chemo and 1 round of radiation. Was told by one doctor back in 1997 that I wouldn't be around 8 years after diagnosis; which means I should've left this world in 2005 (theory not fact).

My only purpose in life on August 19, 1997 was to build my flying time because I was enroute to being "Captain Westerman". If things had not changed my path, I would be the Captain on one of your flights with either Westjet or Air Canada. That was my purpose in life since I was 6 years old. I never had to ask myself what I wanted to do as a career until I was 24 years old. Talk about a state of confusion! Trying to figure out how did this happen, why me, and what the heck do I do now, when I never had to ask questions like this (definitely wasn't taught this in school). Mass state of confusion.

It's so easy for us all to say "I'll get to that tomorrow". If you looked that up in the "saying" dictionary 8 monhts ago, there would have been a picture of me.

If I could go back in time and change the path that I am currently on and not have to deal with my brain cancer yet again in September, 2008, the answer is a clear "YES". The downfall to that path would be the fact that I wouldn't have the benefit of the thoughts, philosophies and respect that I have today for this gift of life. We are going through challenges every single day of our lives. That's part of our "contract" when we are given the gift to be here. So easy to say "I'm going to take 5 minutes per day to sit back and appreciate the life I have" yet it doesn't get done. Need to say this properly as I do not want to insult anyone - IT'S NOT THAT HARD!!! The question is simply how important it is to you? It generally takes something major for us to realize this and do it. (Please note that every example that I use is simply me telling you my story.) Reminds me of when I used to teach flying and would tell my students about mistakes that you don't want to make - simply stories of myself.

If I was to suddenly pass away due to whatever reasoning and was given the option to choose Option A - the path that I was "supposed" to be on prior to being rediagnosed, or Option B - the path that I am currently on after my rediagnosis, the person that was asking the question wouldn't even be halfway through the question and the answer would be OPTION B! The "person" that I am today is still the "same guy" I was prior to the bad news in September. The massive difference is the outlook that I have on how lucky we are to be here in the first place, regardless of traffic, weather, work, etc. That used to drive me insane!

All that I know now is that the only thing I can control is how I react to situations that I have absolutely no control over.

Peace, Love and Happiness.

As a former commercial pilot...

I can fully relate to the importance of ensuring you don't let negative emotion control you when you have to make a challenging decision. I will always remember a video I watched in flight school in 1995 that the minute you are in the cockpit, emotion is not allowed. This is to ensure that the lives of your passengers are your priority.

This is the philosophy that I have used while being a commercial pilot and since I was initially diagnosed with brain cancer on August 19, 1997.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/02/11/entertainment/main4793213.shtml

So far, not so bad...

I can tell that the VP-16 / Avastin combo is starting to hit me. Definitely makes me more tired during the day. Still having issues with getting a solid 8 hours of sleep. Not too surprised by that. I was up yesterday at 1:45 am and had 2 solid naps to make up for it. Got to sleep in until 4:15 this morning.

Still having issues regarding muscle pain. Other than that, I definitely have it pretty darm easy. When I compare this to what I watched my wife Tasha and our close friend Trisha go through with respect to their chemo - I'm walking along a beautiful white beach!

I will never forget when I was first diagnosed in 1997 and they told me after surgery that I had to do chemo, I pictured myself in a much worse situation versus how it turned out to be. My immune system was shot, got pneumonia a couple of times and my weight was down to 147 pounds (I'm 6'1"), but even then it wasn't that bad. It only seems to be getting better. This, of course, does seriously depend on the style and harshness of the chemo. Reading the Lance Armstrong book "It's Not about the Bike" shows how hard it was for him. His odds of living was very low. The power of the mind!!!

As you may already know, I'm always doing my best to look on the bright side of everything in life. After all, we were given the gift to be here in the first place. If we were forced to go into battle, would we simply give up? I know I wouldn't. I'm reading a very interesting book right now that really makes you stop and look at things from a different perspective. I wish I had read this a year ago.

I send you all the wishes for a great day, week, month, year and life!

Peace, love and happiness.

Starting to feel some pain...

Definitely not writing this to complain about anything. All in all, I'm feeling fine. Can tell that my immune system is going down a bit (as is everyone else in Calgary right now with the winter / chinooks :)

Not sure whether it's the VP-16 or the Avastin, or both. Feeling some upper chest and neck pain. Almost like I pushed it too hard at the gym doing a chest and upper shoulder work out. Wish that was the reason.

Still having wacky sleeping patterns. Slept in until 4:45 yesterday morning but was up at 2:45 this morning. Can't complain. Trying to hit the sack by 9:00 every night so I'm still getting some decent sleep. Flashbacks of the old days when I used to lay down at 9:00 on a Friday night to have a cat nap so I could party until 3:00 am that night. Complete opposite now!

I'm really focusing at least half hour a day doing meditation. It truly is a great thing to do. Stepping out of "reality" for a moment is so good for you. Trying to slow your thoughts down.....EXTREMELY HARD!!!! I've heard that our brains will have an average of 60,000 thoughts per person per day. PER PERSON PER DAY! To ask it to mellow out for even 2 minutes? There in lies the definition of extremely hard.

I hope that everyone is having a great weekend! Hard to believe that January is already gone.

It has begun...

Hi everyone,

I did my first pill of chemo last night and haven’t had any side effects yet. Knock on wood. I’m still waking up super early every morning because of all the drugs I’m on. Sleeping in until 4:00 am is kind of the way things are right now. Don’t mind being up that early to have some chill time, read, ponder life and check my hockey pool. The important things in life. :)

Had my first injection of Avastin at 10:00 this morning and haven't had any side effects on that. Will keep you all posted on how that goes.

During the process of happiness yesterday and today after getting back in the Captain's seat, I was surfing a big wave of emotion. I guess after a 2 week "vacation", the idea of stepping back into the boxing ring was harder than I thought. Very natural.

The gloves are back on now. As Stallone says in "Rocky IV" when his opponent boldly states "I will break you", Stallone's answer was "GO FOR IT". Who was wearing the belt at the end?

Ciao for now.

I have control

The 3 words I was taught to use when I was a pilot to ensure that there was never any confusion as to who was flying the plane. I used it now as I am back in the left seat in control.

We were at the Tom Baker this morning to review the latest CT scan to ensure that everything was "okay" to carry forward the next step and start the chemotherapy. WE ARE!!! Huge relief is such an understatement as to how happy Tash and I were (and still are) that the next step starts tonight just before hitting the sack. I'll be taking the VP-16 chemo pill orally everynight and start the Avastin injection tomorrow at 10:00 am. The Avastin will be every 2 weeks.

One of the great doctors that I get to see at the Tom Baker told me that I'm doing very well physically and mentally, so that's great to see. I'm in a great fighting position. All that I have to do now is focus on getting through the storm.

"When the clouds pass, the sun shines through"

Reviewing my CT scan tomorrow...

And meeting with our doctors to finalize everything regarding when the next step begins regarding my treatments. Hard to believe that it's already been 2 weeks since I finished the radiation.

The hardest part about this right now...the fact that I have to step out of the Captain's seat on the airplane and hope that the autopilot keeps us stays straight and level through the storm.

As mentioned in my last blog; being confident, realist and positive are crucial. Hence, why it's so hard to temporartily let go.

Will update tomorrow.

Over and out.

The roller coaster called Cancer

Hi everyone,

Had a bit of a scare this morning when I suddenly had swelling on the left side of my head where I've had a lot of the radiation. Luckily it was on the outside of by skull. There was no reasoning behind it. Didn't feel any lightheaded, lack of speech, seizure, etc. Regardless, how quickly fear takes over your brain is the obviously not a lot of fun.

We called the Tom Baker right away and talked to the on-call Radiation Oncologist and explained the situation. He feels that it was either an after effect of radiation on my skin, or an allergic reaction to something. Our neighbours next door have a such a cute puppy that I'm sure that I had a reaction to its fur and touch my head afterwards. Makes sense, doesn't it? It's logical now, isn't it? So easy to say. So hard to believe when cancer is on your head almost 24 - 7!!

As the infamous Hamlet says in Act 3, Scene 1 - "Ay, there's the rub". It's times like this that the true fear and challenge of cancer rears its ugly head. It's times like this that truly make you stop and see that every moment counts. It's times like this that unless we're dealing with a serious challenge, it's so easy to not think about how important the current moment truly is. A perfect example of this is a guy named Ryan Westerman 6 months ago when stress was the "Captain" of his airplane. His philosophy back then was "Stop and smell the flowers. Sure I'll get to that sometime next week."

The past is the past, the future is the future. All we can control is the here and now. So easy too say; so hard to do!

Regardless of how truly confident I am about getting through this challenge and prevailing, what happened this morning is yet another example of how easily we can hit the "black ice" on the highway and suddenly be out of control.

Please do everything that you can do to enjoy the present when possible. Even 2 minutes a day to chill out, think about the great things about being alive, and how lucky we are to be here in the first place. Again, so easily said yet so hard to do.

Peace, love and happiness.