Went into the Tom Baker yesterday to have my 2nd round of Avastin. So far, so good. Haven't had any side effects (muscle pain, sore throat). I'm sure it will happen and get worse over time, but that's in the future and all I know is that I am here and now.
Have spent quite a bit of time truly pondering how lucky we actually are to be here in the first place. Even though I've been dealing with brain cancer from my original diagnosis on August 19, 1997, I truly have not sat back and realized how lucky I am to actually be here in the first place until the serious news September 11, 2008. What's up with that? Why does it take us something major to realize the benefits of being alive in the first place.
I had already in the past been operated on twice, had 3 separate rounds of chemo and 1 round of radiation. Was told by one doctor back in 1997 that I wouldn't be around 8 years after diagnosis; which means I should've left this world in 2005 (theory not fact).
My only purpose in life on August 19, 1997 was to build my flying time because I was enroute to being "Captain Westerman". If things had not changed my path, I would be the Captain on one of your flights with either Westjet or Air Canada. That was my purpose in life since I was 6 years old. I never had to ask myself what I wanted to do as a career until I was 24 years old. Talk about a state of confusion! Trying to figure out how did this happen, why me, and what the heck do I do now, when I never had to ask questions like this (definitely wasn't taught this in school). Mass state of confusion.
It's so easy for us all to say "I'll get to that tomorrow". If you looked that up in the "saying" dictionary 8 monhts ago, there would have been a picture of me.
If I could go back in time and change the path that I am currently on and not have to deal with my brain cancer yet again in September, 2008, the answer is a clear "YES". The downfall to that path would be the fact that I wouldn't have the benefit of the thoughts, philosophies and respect that I have today for this gift of life. We are going through challenges every single day of our lives. That's part of our "contract" when we are given the gift to be here. So easy to say "I'm going to take 5 minutes per day to sit back and appreciate the life I have" yet it doesn't get done. Need to say this properly as I do not want to insult anyone - IT'S NOT THAT HARD!!! The question is simply how important it is to you? It generally takes something major for us to realize this and do it. (Please note that every example that I use is simply me telling you my story.) Reminds me of when I used to teach flying and would tell my students about mistakes that you don't want to make - simply stories of myself.
If I was to suddenly pass away due to whatever reasoning and was given the option to choose Option A - the path that I was "supposed" to be on prior to being rediagnosed, or Option B - the path that I am currently on after my rediagnosis, the person that was asking the question wouldn't even be halfway through the question and the answer would be OPTION B! The "person" that I am today is still the "same guy" I was prior to the bad news in September. The massive difference is the outlook that I have on how lucky we are to be here in the first place, regardless of traffic, weather, work, etc. That used to drive me insane!
All that I know now is that the only thing I can control is how I react to situations that I have absolutely no control over.
Peace, Love and Happiness.
More Tired Days
6 days ago