Friday, December 5, 2008

Started radiotherapy

Hi everyone,

Started the radiotherapy on Tuesday morning. Have had 4 treatments now. So far, so good. Always feel a little groggy afterwards but that goes away after 15 minutes. My hair hasn't started to fall out yet. The doctors say that it'll be a couple of weeks before the hair loss and fatigue will start to hit me. By the time I'm done everything, I'll have shaved the rest of my head and will probably sleep quite a bit. Good thing that it's winter because I know me and I would definitely try to golf as much as possible. The cold will ensure that I'm inside resting.

I'm always pulling out the bright side of everything. At least now I can catch up on what's happening on the Young & the Restless!

I'm focusing on staying as relaxed as possible while I'm going through this. I have to ensure that my healthy cells are recovering ASAP so they're there to fight the rebellious cancer cells. I've thought about what it would be like to be working right now. As much as I enjoy my job and helping my clients, that would mean that emotion would be controlling my path. As I've explained to my clients many times, we cannot allow emotion to control our decisions. Especially when the market is such a pool of fear. It is such a great time to be buying and letting it grow. I know that if I was working, I'd be dumping in as much as possible.

Still have the thought of this cancer winning the battle go through my mind a few times a day. Totally expected and very normal. Luckily I don't let it hang out for very long. After all, if we were going into war, it would be very natural to fear the loss of life. If we let that linger, we're sure to lose the battle!

A great scenario that I often have go through my mind is the opening scene in the awesome movie "Gladiator", when Russell Crowe is going into his first battle. His enemies feel that they will easily win this war, however Russell's strategy is to have part of his army start the battle and then he goes around with others to attack from behind. After they win the battle, the look on his face of confidence and victory confirm that he always knew that they would win. This is a picture that I draw many times per day in my mind to ensure that I have the confidence (not cockiness) that as challenging and life-threatening this situation is, I will prevail!!!

Have a great weekend everyone and please give someone near you a massive hug. If they ask why, the answer is simply "why not".


Louise and David said...

Hello Ryan,
Great stuff! We've decided to mirror your upbeat attitude and reflect positive energy back at you as you face more radiotherapy treatments and the fatigue that will inevitably follow.

We certainly agree with your description of the fear of dying as normal and natural. In fact, we would be surprised if you did not feel terrified at times, given the battle you are fighting right now.

That opening scene of "Gladiator" is a celebration of victory that we can definitely relate to. If you are confident that you will prevail, we will support you by believing in your courage and stamina.

The pictures of you and Talyn are a terrific addition to your blog page. He must inspire you to keep going against all odds.

By the way, we tried your "massive hug" strategy today. It works!

Sincere prayers and well-wishes,
Louise and David

Robert Irwin said...

Hi Ryan, its not Rob it is his lovely wife! I am rooting for you and know that unfair as it is for you and Tash to be dealing with this you will get through it stronger than ever. You are doing all the right things, focusing on positive while allowing the negative to pass by when it shows up. You will look just as handsome without hair. :)

Big hug to you,


Karen said...

Ryan, I have been keeping up on you and Tasha (and Talyn) through your Mom. I am so sorry you are facing this new challenge, but you have always had such inner strength and such a positive attitude that I know you can beat it. You have so many people who are thinking and praying for you and your beautiful family. I hugged my new grandson tonight and remembered how lucky I am. Thank you for pointing us all in the right direction. Take very good care of yourself.
Love Karen

Denise Sinkevicius said...


It was so great to see you last week - you look fantastic - but more importantly - your attitude is RIDICULOUS :)
Julius and I are sending you and Tasha and Talyn (BTW - he wants me to be his GF - i know it!) all of our love and looking forward to all of your POSITIVE progress...