Post-radiation

Is much harder than the radiation itself. I am feeling so much more tired than I was during the treatment itself. I guess that makes sense in the aspect that the side effects build up over time and peak at the end. It's taking awhile for me to get back to "normal". Hard to believe that's it's already been a week.

The anti-seizure drugs and anti-swelling drugs are also making things harder. The anti-seizure drug is supposed to mellow me out, while the anti-swelling makes me wake up at least 3 times a night and gets my "analysis" of everything going by 4:30 in the morning. I was up at 3:30 this morning. I'm pretty happy if I can sleep in until 5:00 am. That's a bonus.

I now fully understand why the doctors need me to take time off from any treatments until this gets better. Would only make things worse if I didn't.

I hope that everyone is having a great day. I hear we've got another chinook coming soon. Nice!!

Thanks to Todd Bertuzzi, Peter Hanlon, Glen Hawker and the Calgary Flames!!

Yesterday morning I was given an amazing opportunity to meet my favorite hockey player, Todd Bertuzzi! I have been a fan of his for many years from my days of living in Vancouver and was the happiest guy in Calgary when he came here. He is the reason that I got back into watching hockey in the late 90's. Meeting him has been a goal of mine for 10 years!

My wife Tasha and close friend Kevin were able to somehow make the pieces come together thanks to Peter Hanlon and Glen Hawker. Kevin, Talyn and I got to go to the Saddledome during the Flames practice yesterday morning and watch them. It was so cool!!!

Afterwards we were allowed to meet Todd Bertuzzi in the hallway where the media does the interviews with the players and coaches that we see on TV. We spent about 15 minutes chatting with Todd and he showed Talyn some cool tricks to learn. I literally felt like I was in a dream. He is the nicest guy!!!

Thank you Todd for taking the time that you spent with us. You have no idea how much that means to me!

GO FLAMES GO!!!

All done!

The days of radiation have now officially come to an end!!! Thanks so much to Mark, Joseph, Laura, Shannon, Charlene, Andrea, Samira, Rosie and Junead at Radiation Unit 9 for the great job that they did for me. As much as I will miss seeing them every day, I feel very relieved that this part of the battle is done.

The doctors now want me to focus on recovering from the radiation for a couple of weeks before we take the next steps. I have a CT scan booked for Januray 29th and then we meet with the doctors on February 3rd to discuss when I can start the next stage of treatment.

It almost feels like I get to go on "vacation" until then.

Now on a complety different note; we had a family scare last week when Tasha was feeling off - vertigo, dizziness, lightheadness and slurred speech. Our immediate concern was that her breast cancer was starting to spread to her brain. This has always been an ongoing concern for us. When she went to see her doctor about it, the doctor ordered something that didn't make us feel too good...an urgent CT scan for her head, chest and abdomen.

Thanks to the amazing support of some very special people, they ensured that she got to the tests she needed to go to and that they were done quickly. When she arrived at the diagnostics place, Rick and Lynne recognized her from our story and knew that she needed the results ASAP. Literally 5 minutes after her CT scan was finished, we found out that it was clear! The definition of extreme relief would still be an incredible understatment as to how we felt.

The challenge of having one of us dealing with cancer is one path to follow. The idea of both of us dealing with cancer at the same........I cannot find a definition to how that would be.

I have the thoughts of my cancer "taking me" out in the near future go through my mind every day. I think that's very natural. I've been fighting this on and off for 11 1/2 years but now it's the harshest that it has ever been. I have stepped into the boxing ring before with every intention of winning the fight.

I know now that if Tasha's cancer came back and put us both in this battle and one of us had to give in, the only thing that I would ask for is 5 minutes to say goodbye to her and Talyn before I move on to where we go after life. All that would matter to me is that she lives a long and beautiful life, and raises our amazing son Talyn.

Once again it makes me realize how lucky I am to be with her and Talyn.

Have a great night!

Thanks to No. 8 Fire Station!!!

Tash, Talyn, my Mom and I got to spend an hour and a half today at No. 8 Fire Station touring around while taking pictures. It was great!!! I've always had massive respect for the fact that they risk their owns lives to save others. That is such an understatement. To have the opportunity to spend time with them today is an honour.

Thanks so much to them for a wonderful morning with my family and also for their generous donation to "Ryan's Path".

I send them all massive tackle hugs!!!

T-minus 4 and counting

Hard to believe that I'll be finished the radiation on Monday, January 19th. I originally had Wednesday, January 21st but I guess that was incorrect as a couple of extra days were on the schedule just in case. Great to see that it's Monday instead of Wednesday!!

Time is zooming by. Reminds me of when I was young and my Mom would say that time goes faster the older you get. Of course having the "I know everything already" attitude that kids usually have, I said it won't. Definitely wrong on that one!

Feeling fairly good with the radiation. Fatigue has definitely settled in. Also on a few drugs to help avoid seizures and reduce brain swelling which can cause seizures. The downfall to one of them is insomnia so I'm usually up by 4:30 every morning. Wish it was just due to better "time management". I'm writing this at 4:50 am and have been up for almost an hour.

Meeting with my chemo doctor on February 3rd to finalize the start dates of the chemo and Avastin itself. Will need to take a couple of weeks "off" to let the brain recover from the radiation. I'll be ready to start the day after I finish radiation but I guess I should probably listen to the experts!

I hope that everyone is doing well and enjoying 2009. Hard to believe that January is almost 1/2 over. Wow!

The power of our mind

I was sent this by a close friend and it brought tears of inspiration to my mind. We have so much power inside of us that unfortunately isn't being used.

http://www.maniacworld.com/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.html

I read a great book a few years ago called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" and thought that for sure I would apply it to my world. Then I stepped back into my "reality" and totally forgot about it. What I wouldn't do to go back and apply it then.

I realize now that to truly apply these ways of living that were recommended in the book is extremely hard, yet relatively easy to do if you truly want it to happen. Similar to New Years resolutions - easy to say yet so hard to do, unless you can honestly say that it's that important.

It's truly unfortunate that it took this situation that I'm dealing with now to finally make the changes to "my world" that I should have done before, however to focus any energy on "shouda, woulda, coulda" is like flying a plane across the ocean with a leak in it's fuel tank that I knew about. Doesn't make sense. All I can do now is remember that the past is the past and it will never be changed. By focusing every ounce of energy on the here and now and not letting the past be an influence on me, my level of confidence will not be impacted and will help me get through this challenge. I WILL have the privilege of being with my wife Tasha and son Talyn until I pass on at the age of 100.

Have a great day!!

Happy belated New Year!!!

Hi everyone,

I hope that you have all had a great holiday break and a Happy New Year! As strange as this may sound, I am very thankful for 2008. The challenges that Tasha and I have had with medical issues have been very frustrating, yet also very enlightening.

2009 is going to be very medically hard, yet I have so much confidence in myself, my incredible wife Tasha and amazing son Talyn, my family and friends, the medical team that I am very fortunate to have access to, and the incredible support from the public that I often sit back and go WOW!!!!!

2009 is going to be a GREAT YEAR!!

I wish all of you and everyone around you the very best for 2009 and for many years after that!!!