Great day at the Tom Baker!

We were at the Tom Baker this morning at 8:00 am to review the lastest MRI and got some great news!!! We have significant shrinkage in the area of concern. As my doctor said "The MRI shows that the tumor continues to respond to the Avastin and VP16. Although we can not be sure how much of this response corresponds to tumor shrinkage or to decrease in the inflammation, this MRI was good and it is encouraging. We will have more information with the next MRIs."

Bottom line is things are going extremely well and I am one seriously happy and relieved guy. The fight is about halfway over and I will still be pushing forward. Such a great relief to see that the path I'm on is the right one.

Over and out.

Just had an MRI

Hi everyone,

Just got back from the Foothills for another follow-up MRI to see how things are going. Feeling somewhat nervous about finding out the results on Thursday at 8:00 am. I'm pretty confident that the news we get from this will be decent. I'm not expecting some miracle to show that the tumour is gone. I'm being as realistic as possible. I was shot down pretty hard in November, 2008 from an MRI so I have to ensure that I keep it in my back pocket that the results may not be good at all. Argh!!!

Will let you know on Thursday what I find out.

Over and out.

The wave callled Cancer...

Aaah yes. It will never cease to amaze me what a roller coaster ride I'm on right now as I fight the battle with my brain cancer. It's such a love / hate relationship that I will one day truly understand, but it is an ongoing challenge, to say the least. When I think of where I would be today if I was never diagnosed in the first place...airline Captain for Air Canada or Westjet (my only dream I had), living who knows where, etc. versus who I am now because I was diagnosed.....fighting an ongoing battle that I am very confident in winning, married to the woman of my dreams, father of an amazing (and super stubborn) little boy, surrounded by the most amazing people, on a path that I'm learning more and more how lucky we are to even exist. To go back in time with the knowledge that I have today and choose A vs B....no doubt - B.

Had a bit of a scare on Monday afternoon of a minor seizure. Had a mild "deja-vu" which is generally the beginning of a seizure and was with Tasha at a sports class with Talyn. We had just dropped him off and I could tell that I was going down the potential seizure route. Luckily I felt confident that it wasn't going to be a "Grand-male" but more of a minor "need to chill out and rest". It lasted for about an hour and a half and afterwards all I wanted to do was scream and cry over the fact that my tumour was doing the annoying "hey Ryan. Just wanted to remind you that I'm still here". It's such a confidence destroyer due to the simple fact that you're feeling like everything is flowing really well and then suddenly you get an insulting slap in the face. Brings doubt and negativity into your world that you're losing the battle. Ironically, it must be acknowledged and accepted with respect, and then put aside. Not buried deep inside of you (like I have for the last 12 years). My doctor said that this may be due to the fact that the chemo is doing extremely well and that is the reasoning behind this minor seizure. Hearing her say that is what I will keep in my mind. The other "why's and what's" are gone now.

One thing that I will never truly understand is why do we make our lives so much more difficult than we truly need to be? Easy to question, extremely hard to understand and answer. Now that I've had the opportunity to step back and look at things differently, I can really see why our human brilliance, along with the power we have to move forward, and live in a world of peace is possible, yet it does not and most likely will never happen. Our ego stands so boldly between us and that picture. I look back at myself 7 months ago and ego was in the pilot's seat flying me aggressively forward. I'm doing everything that I can to now to ensure that it does not fly my plane, while accepting life as it truly is. I try to focus all of my energy on doing the best to lead my life the way that I would like it to go, while ensuring that I also accept that the majority of everything around me is stuff that I have absolutely no control over. So easy to say, so hard to do.

When I feel something like I did on Monday, frustration and bitterness builds up inside of me. To me, that's allowing the negative part of having cancer fly the plane.The only thing that I can do is "welcome it" and do my best to maintain "peace". That way, I'm still in "control".

Round #6 complete

Wow. Time flies!!!

I finished my 6th round of Aviston yesterday and haven't had any new side effects. Still dealing with the fatigue and mild headaches, but other than that, it's a walk in the park compared to what many other patients are going through.

My next MRI is on Tuesday, April 28th. Feeling pretty nervous about that. The paranoia of growth is always sitting on my shoulder and tapping me to remind me of it. After that large growth we say from September, 2008 to November, 2008, my guard is definitely up. It's come down since the results of the last MRI on March 4th but still there. As well as I'm doing, I have to ensure that I don't get lost in a crazy dream world where everything is alright and I can start thinking that the problem is solved. Been there, done that.

It is truly amazing how quick and easy it is to forget about a problem that you've been dealing with and when it looks like it's going away, you decide to forget about it. Yep, that was me over the last 11 years. Ah, the love/hate relationship we have with our brains and emotions.

I'm sure that I've mentioned before that I really enjoy the use of meditation to force myself to slow down. Even though I'm not working right now, time is zooming by!! This really allows me to stop and ensure that I stay focused on what I really need to. It's a great "addiction" to have. Can't emphasize how good it is for you!!!

Have a great day!

GO FLAMES GO!!!

Long time, no blog...

Hi everyone,

My apologies for not writing in my blog for the last couple of weeks. Was away for a few days.

I had my treatment last week and everything went well. Was in on Tuesday to do my bloodwork and chat with the doctors. Everything looked great so no reasons for not going forward with the Avastin. Had to laugh when I asked my doctors that I noticed my hands seemed to be orange and he asked me if I've been eating a lot of carrots lately. The answer was "yes" and followed by good old laughter. I did not know that eating a lot of carrots made your skin turn orange. You learn something new everyday. :)

Had a great weekend by going to Regina to surprise and celebrate my oldest brother Sean's 40th birthday. Got to see all of my family plus a bunch of friends that I haven't seen in quite awhile. My sister-in-law did a phenomenal job at putting together a great surprise!! Way to go Michelle!

Was great to get away from everything and also great to get back. Dealing with my challenge right now has become such a "normal" part of my life that I think it's safe to say that I've become "used to it". That sounds weird, doesn't it? Being used to dealing with cancer. It's already been 7 months since I was given the bad news. 7 months! It's already been almost 12 years since I was originally diagnosed. I remember so much of it like it was yesterday. I'm still very thankful that my original seizure that I had on August 19, 1997 didn't happen while I was teaching one of my pilot students 2 hours before. Their ability to handle emergencies in the air was not very good. I think if I had the seizure in the air, that plane would not have been landed safely and I wouldn't be here right now. When I stop and look at how many good things have come out of this ongoing challenge, it re-emphasizes how lucky I truly am.

Hope all is well!