Monday, March 22, 2010

News from the pad

Update by Kevin
Updates are tough I am not sure what to say. On the positive side Ryan was up for a warm bath and a great hair wash yesterday in the special tub at the hospice. We had classical music playing and Ryan sat back relaxed and enjoyed a nice warm bath. We also watched a period of hockey together before he dozed back off. Conversations are not really possible now. The words are very scrambled and even just trying to figure out he needed socks this morning took about ten minutes of deciphering. Pain breaks through every once and a while but the hospice has been great at jumping on this quickly and managing it as best as possible.
I know several people have asked about visiting Ryan. In trying to balance out everything for his family and his legacy he specifically stated he did not want people to see him in this state. His room is now filled with 95% cancer and 5% Ryan. Remember all the great moments, remember those big hugs you had, and that big smile. The best help you can give now are: all the great messages from the blog, we read to him each day, I know that your thoughts on easing his pain and also your love connect with him always. When Tasha tells him about the many lives he has touched that big smile shows up again.

52 comments:

Bob said...

Thanks so much for the update which I can understand is very hard to do these days. Prayers continue to be said to help Ryan make this journey.

Anonymous said...

We love you brother, you know that, it has all been said. No matter what, we are always with you and you are always with us. As I'm living on the edge of the birth of this next Kanuka and you promised to haunt me the last time we spoke, please consider your Kanuka options in front of you... love love love Amanda HnKanuka

Anonymous said...

Thank-you for posting. I just needed to let you know that you have changed not only my life, but those of my three little kids. I laugh at things that I used to stress over, I hug them more, I work less and I treasure every ridiculous little mishap. I can't thank you enough for giving me the perspective that I have now. I only wish that it didn't have to come at such a price. I'm absolutely sure that your gorgeous little man will carry on with your fantastic attitude and continue to touch many lives. You have given him that gift. My most sincere thoughts of peace and gratitude.

Jodie said...

Ryan,

My name is Jodie and I am a friend of Tracy and Colin's. In fact, you and I were partnered up in their wedding party. I remember how hard you made all of us laugh when we were roaming the streets of Yaletown taking all those wedding pictures. What was that great pose that you and the boys did that was so impromptu yet so funny? Was it from "Zoolander" or was it something else? I can't remember but I do remember it being hilarious and you being the instigator of it all!

I have been following your blog practically from the beginning and I just wanted to let you know that what I read in your blogs and heard from Tracy and Colin, never ceased to amaze me in a number of ways. First, how honest you are about all the different feelings you have gone through. Second, your sheer determination to live every moment to the fullest. Third, your dedication to making sure as many people as possible hear your message about life. And now you have a book! That's awesome! Congratulations!

Please really, really, really know that your words and advice have meant a great deal to a great many. You have made a difference, Ryan Westerman, and coming from a teacher who attempts to make a difference every day, I know what I'm talking about. I officially award you an A+!!

Thanks, Ryan, for getting me to think about the important things in life and for helping me to "keep on keeping on". My thoughts and prayers are with you and Tasha.

Jodie Nagy
Vancouver, BC

Dan said...

Hey guys

Just wanted to let you know that Vanessa and I are thinking of you out here in Vancouver. Vanessa is getting big and we are starting to realize there is a whole live person in there (well, I am. As usual she is way ahead of me).

I finally and much belatedly got around to uploading the photos from our 'boys night in' and have emailed them to Ryans gmail and to Tashas work email - sorry it took so long, I hope you enjoy them. Remembering how funny it was trying to get Sterling to pose. So glad I came out. Here for anything we can give you from Van.

Not else much to say except to send our love to you.

Anonymous said...

Keep on Keeping on!!! Know what a difference you have made and know your little man will do you proud. Love and Peace. Enjoy your journey. You have made a difference no other could. Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you you are my true Inspiration!!! Love Peace and Light.
xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Thanks to you I need never be afraid, thank you and God Bless you all
Stephanie

Susan Pederson said...

Ryan,

I feel so privileged to play a part in putting your book together for you. It has been a huge gift to me to be allowed inside your world at this time, and I know I will forever be changed by the experience of having hung out with you, Tasha and Talyn. As I said before, I could just feel the love between you two the moment I walked into your house. And last week at your book "launch," I could again feel the love for you from everyone in the room. It wasn't a feeling of feeling sorry for you, it was a feeling of everyone wishing to savour every moment that you gave us. Thank you for your smile that lights up a room, and especially for your hugs, which in have convinced all of us that some day, it really will be alright, because who can every forget a hug from Ryan? (I'm so glad I didn't knock over your beet juice this time!).

TONS of love from Susan and Family.

P.S. I'll send a copy of the book to Oprah!

Sheri said...

Hi Ryan

Sterling has been staying with Stella and I for a few days. They are now BFFs! They sleep on my bed and manage to leave me a little bit of space to sleep! He loves you lots as do we all.

Lots of love,
Sheri

Devinder said...

I was teaching my little girls how to run on rocks Ryan, and you would remember running the rocks at Wreck Beach with Nuker and I. We'd hightail outta rez, ditch all that stuff and make for the clean air, gulls, sea otters and sunset. Chris always managed to drag a beer or two out with us, and we'd pass the cans around telling stories. Those were sweet times my man. Love you my brother.
Devinder.

Anonymous said...

Ryan,

The last time I saw you, you gave me the world's biggest smile and hug (still reeling from the hug; was like a Chiropractic adjustment but much more loving!), and that is always how I will remember you. Your incredible attitude and focus in life has always been an inspiration to me.

Love always to you, Tasha, and Talyn. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Denny Paccagnan

Julie-Anne said...

I look so forward to the day when I will be able to sit and read your book to my children and tell them tales of this intensely alive and beautiful soul that changed my life and the lives of so many forever.
I remember how huge of a part music and dancing was in your life - all those classic Chili Peppers tunes, Spirit of the West, Barenaked ladies, Stevie Ray Vaughn and Sarah McLachlan (ok - we were young and maybe you'd be embarrassed to admit to liking some of these guys now), but their tunes filled our world and your grooving at all hours of the day, like you had an internal ipod, was always so contagious. I have been listening to Sarah McLachlan recently, and I so clearly remember you loving the song 'I will remember you'. Ryan, no one who has met you for more than 5 minutes could forget you. Trust me my friend, I will always remember you, your smile, your love for life, your unique way with this world and those in it.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed, just changes form. I know the essence of you will always be here.
SO much love to you, Tasha and Talyn.
Julie-Anne

Anonymous said...

Thanks Kevin for the post - Hi Ryan... your gervais clan talks about you everyday (Jada still thinks you are Ryan from highschool musical - which is HUGE in her little eyes! And yes Zoe is still practicing the famous wedding dance! We love you all so much and of course are so thankful to have had so many great memories with you -Kootenay Lake and our great 5am chats...walking the beautiful trails in Banff...many many family weekend get togethers and of course the christmas Eve's at my parents place. You have made such an impact on so many people's lives which I know will carry on forever...little mishaphs happen every day and i say....'ok lets handle this Ryan Style' - thank you so much for sharing your gift of living life!
Love ya - bear hugs and sweet dreams...
Jill, B and family

marniw said...

Hi,
Posted earlier, but my comments were lost in cyberspace.
Thank you for the update. I am glad to hear that there are moments of enjoyment - the bath, the hockey game. All moments should be treasured, no matter what our situation might be. I hope that the love of all those who surround you envelope you like a warm cloud, bringing you comfort and peace.
Love and hugs,
Marni (auntie m)

Kristen said...

I seen your beautiful photos on Michelle's site one day and stopped in here to read about your journey.
My thoughts have been with you as I prayed... as I sent healing vibes as my heart went out to you all. You are such a strong man Ryan.
Ryan your outlook on life is amazing and your positively astounds me and inspires me in my own life. Thank you for that and thank you for sharing! You have allowed me to see life as it SHOULD be and live it to the fullest... my daughter and husband are thankful for you allowing us all to be in the moment. thank you.
My heart goes out to you, your wife, your son and all your loved ones.
prayers, love and ((hugs))

sincerely,
kristen

Sue said...

Thanks so much for the update. I'm so sad to hear that things are going so badly for Ryan. Please send him lots of love and strength from far away. Special thoughts with Tash at this tough time... Tons of prayers being said for them all.

Sue X

Louise and David said...

Hi Ryan,
Kevin's latest update is true to your own positive spirit. Even now, it seems that you are able to find a degree of pleasure in some of the simple things in life.

It also sounds like you are getting the best possible care right now. Thank goodness for that! You deserve to be carried through this part of your journey by the energy, love and thanks of all the people you have touched along your path.

Please feel our presence, too, just for today!
Love, Louise and David

Anonymous said...

Ryan, thank you so much for continuing to post and inspire. As so many have said before me, you have changed my life forever. Dave and I have always enjoyed the book "don't sweat the small stuff", but now instead of referring to the book, we think of you. I"m in awe of your wonderful spirit and courage. There is no doubt that your legacy will live on, not only through the people who have met you and loved you, but even strangers who have connected with you through your journey. My love and thoughts are with you, Tasha and Talyn each day.
Love Heather (Moroz) Worts and family

Anonymous said...

Thanks for updating us all Kevin.

Ryan, you have been such an amazing person to share your journey with us. As others have said your smile and hugs are unforgettable, as well as your great sense of humour.

Love you lots Ryan. And BIG hugs to you, Tasha and Talyn.

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for all the updates I know this can't be easy. I wish there was more I could do. I haven't commented much, but I never now what to say. Ryan I just want you to know how much of an inspiration you are. I have always looked up to you and I always will. I'll never forget the huge hugs and smiles. When working with cancer patients at work I always tell them your story and tell them to be positive and live each day to the fullest you really are an inpiration. I'll definetly be recommending your book to everyone.
I'm sending huge hugs back to you. There is much love coming form your cousins here in sask. All my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Much love, Julene

Noel & Tammy said...

Ryan, still remembering your big smile and massive hugs,..you continue to inspire, and always will. Our thoughts are with you and your family everyday.
Love Noel & Tammy

Anonymous said...

Dear Ryan,

My name is Maria and I am 10 years old. I will be praying for you.

From,

Maria

Brendan Stitchman said...

Senor Westermanio, I'm sending you the love right now. I had a beautiful baby boy a few weeks back and he is the answer to my prayers. I want to thank you, because watching you with Talyn showed me what a perfect daddy should be. Thank you for being such a beautiful role model, friend, and brother to me. Big hugs to you, Tash and Talyn. - Brendan a.k.a. "Steeeeetchay"

Anonymous said...

Hello Ryan. In all of our recent visits, poker night, and blackberry messenger visits I said most of what I had to say to you as I do not beleive in unsaid words. At this time I feel compelled to repeat some of them to you. I am blessed and honoured to know you. I admire you so much. I am so grateful for our friendship and to have learned from your wisdom. You have smashed many paradigms. I am changing my life in the way you requested several times. I will fullfill that promise to you. I wish I could do more, take your pain away, and fix this for you but following your request and applying what you learned on your journey is the only small thing I can offer. Put my name and the name of my sons on the long list of lives you profoundly changed. You are and always will be in my thoughts and actions my friend. We love you very much. Brad, Brett, and Ian Gustafson

Lindsay said...

Hi Ryan and Tasha,

Just a quick note to let you know that I am thinking of you both.

Ryan, you are such an inspiration, and I truly admire your strength and courage. You are amazing!

Sending positive thoughts.

Big hugs,
Lindsay G.

Samantha said...

Hi Ryan,

This is Sam writing Nora and Katie's Mom from Talyn's school and dayhome. I just want you to know that the little things in Talyn's life like waving at his friends through your car window and playing tag in the school yard are still happening on a daily basis and that he still shares his smile with everyone when we go through the everyday ritual of packing the kids to school and back home from the dayhome. You and Tasha have created a beautiful little boy that graces all of our lives with a little joy every time we see him. Ryan we miss your smiling face at school and the dayhome but you are brought to mind everytime we see Talyn. I am thinking about you and wishing you much peace and love these days.

Sam

Annette said...

Ryan,
It's spring time, that time of rebirth and renewal,the promises of new growth and the beginning of another cycle. How appropriate it is that if we must eventually say aurevoir dear friend it be during a season that holds so much promise and reflects who you are so well. You have planted many seeds in many lives and we will we promise continue our paths with hopefully as much grace and love and laughter as you have yours!
Always with admiration and respect,
Annette

Anonymous said...

Thanks for updating us all Kevin.

Ryan, you have been such an amazing person to share your journey with us. As others have said your smile and hugs are unforgettable, as well as your great sense of humour.

Love you lots Ryan. And BIG hugs to you, Tasha and Talyn.

Love Mireille & Mike.

kristynhall said...

Thank you for the update. Even in these times, Ryan's positivity shines through. Keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Sending you love and wishing you peace .

Anonymous said...

Ryan,
You are in my thoughts, in my prayers, and in my heart. You have inspired me so much with your words and your wisdom..."Don't sweat the small stuff"...words I will always live by.

I think of you and your family always,
Natasha Williams-Reynolds and Family

LUCA CARATI said...

Ciao Ciao Ryan!
Thank you for keeping us updated through your blog and we are so glad that the blog is continuing in these difficult days with the postings from your friends and family.

Luca is almost Canadian now and loves Vancouver and has leased an art studio. I should send you a recent photo of him.. no more dreads, but still a crazy artist!

We check for updates on you daily and I hope whoever is reading this to you now looks you in the eyes and transmits the huge hug and groovy warm vibes we are trying to send to you daily straight into your heart.
Thank you for changing the way we think, look at things and how we will be living our lives from now on. THANK YOU RYAN!! YOU ARE PURE GOOD.
You are loved.
Tybie and Luca

Anonymous said...

Ryan, one of your "fans" commented that seeing you once could impact a person, that you are memorable. One of those people happens to be me. I remember your SMILE, your gentle calmness and your story. You have moved me & Benjy immensely. So many people live this life and just don't get what it's all about. Now I can't say that I am just there yet myself, but you & your loved ones inspire me to take bigger risks in my spirituality and to hold dear to me what I KNOW is true. I hope you realize your true Spirit, that divine Light within, your Essence...whatever term floats your boat...it has lit up this world and helped guide many others on their true spiritual path. What it is all about in the end. Or more appropriately I should say the Beginning. Much love from our home to yours...the Migneault Family.

sobratogsa said...

Ryan, Tasha and Tayln... I work with Denise in Seattle and it's been heartbreaking to read of your journey. But knowing Denise tells me that your love will transcend. There is no way to send enough love from down this way.

Anonymous said...

Dutz,

You haven't gone gently into that quiet night, but instead you fought like hell the entire time. You continued to joke. You continued to smile. You continued to tell it that you would not let it win without a fight to the end. It was either the cancer or you. You continued on until there was nothing left to give. For this you are an inspiration to me, and I hope you find that peace you are longing for.

I want to say thank you for allowing me to spend the time I did with you. I will miss our poker nights, and the banter around the table; but my friend you will never be forgotten. Instead you have set an example for me to appreciate life, to put everything into perspective and no matter what never give up.

I know I will see you again one day. Until then, I will try to apply all the lessons you've taught me.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of love brother.

Euro

marniw said...

This will be a long one...
I have posted my love you for you along the way on this blog and via email, when that was still on your radar. Because I know that your wife and best friend are reading this to you in these days, I wanted you (and them) to know what you have meant to me over the course of my life. You, Colin, and Sean are more like my little brothers than my nephews. (I have told you this before, on several occasions). I remember when you used to sleep over at Gran and Grandad's when you were little - you would have an asthma attack in the middle of the night and I would be up out of bed like a shot without knowing exactly why I was awake. Protective 'big sister', I guess. I regret how life turned out - that we were not allowed to grow up together in a closer way. Your sense of humour, your smile, your mischievious 'joie de vivre' meant that for me, all our encounters were full of life and love and FUN, no matter what your circumstances were. The way you dealt with Grandad - my dad - the way you hugged him and loved him and showed him that this is what men can be to one another was amazing and beautiful. You taught the old man that to be demonstrative and loving was truly the way to be a man. It was beautiful to watch. I appreciate every time that we had together - the rascal in you fed the rascal in me.
Attending your wedding to Tasha created most wonderful memories of your collective joy. Seeing you at Colin's wedding reinforced that joy (I have a beautiful picture of you, Tash, and Talyn holding one another at the reception).
I haven't seen you recently, and I am sorry for that. But as things became more serious, I valued and respected the time that you needed to spend with your famliy. My absence does not reflect a lack of love, but rather a respect for your and your family's process, choices, and wishes. You all have been in my thoughts and prayers daily throughout this process. Although I may have been absent in body, I have never been absent in spirit.
I love you and wish you peace, calm, and joyous surrender. Your presence in my life has created positive and lasting effects.
Hugs,
Marni (auntie m)

Anonymous said...

So many special moments come to mind when I think of you Ryan, you honestly helped make some of my favourite memories while at UBC, and past that. You impacted my life in many ways. I look at the photos I have and I smile and laugh. I tell other people about you and the crazy things we all did. Remember going to the Star Trek convention together?? Ha ha, yes it's out there now!!
love Fiona

Kimberley said...

Ryan,

I am thinking about you all the time. I am mentally sending a hug your way that I only hope is half as big as the hugs you always had for me. Thank you so much for being you. You have touched my life in so many undescribable ways and I will never, ever forget that.

Love Always,

Kim Milne

Natalie, Jamie and Powell Girls said...

Ryan, Tash and Talyn we love you and thank you for everything you have all brought to our lives.
Thinking of you lots!
xNatalie, Jamie, Olivia and Reese

Lindsay said...

Hi Kevin,

Thank you so much for continuing to provide updates.

Shane and I are logging on daily to make sure we can have 'a little time with Ryan' .... through his pictures and words. All so beautiful!

Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

Lindsay and Shane

Chris said...

As Amanda moans from pseudo contractions I'm up and thought I'd send another well wish but my first from the blog.

Devinder talked about Wreck beach and a couple memories about water came to mind:

- 1989. Swimming in our pool in Regina. You used to open your eyes during Marco Polo. I could tell but Colin was such an easy target for both of us...
- 1999. Kits beach walks after a morning of drinking coffee and playing Warlords in our "projects" suite and a greasy breakfast at Anne's.
- 2009. Showing our boys the raw power of water as we carefully lifted them to see down from Cleveland Damn in North Vancouver. We played tag afterwards in the park.

Guess it doesn't matter what year or city - you always find ways to make everyone around you appreciate what we have.

Love,
Mav

Susan said...

Ryan- I echo the senitments of everyone else who has responded thus far... each person that has had the pleasure of knowing you is a changed person for the better. I have not seen you since the Re-Think event this past year and I can still feel the strength of your hug when saw me. You bring out the good in people and your smile makes every little thing seem not so bad- Talyn has that smile too, and he will impact people in the same way you have. The love that you have for Tasha and Talyn shines through every time you look at them, so much so that even someone who doesn't know you feels like they have just witnessed something very intimate and special when they see a glance between the three of you. Go in peace my friend, knowing that you are unforgettable and loved. Big hugs to all of you! - Susan W.

Amanda said...

I was looking at the view of the Lions the other day and thought about how magical flying between them must be; that's a magic you know. It might almost be as magical as Tasha and I watching you, Chris, Charlie, Joe, and Talyn charge around Cleveland Dam pretending to be airplanes. We love you always, XO Amanda

Anonymous said...

I lack adequate words - I am however both proud of you, Tasha, and amazed of the strength you have displayed following the strenuous journey you and your family have taken for so long.
We think of you all when we live our life so blessed with normality and daily routine.
Lots of love from your Danish family to all of you - Peter

Vic & The Wearmouths said...

Hey to Tash and all of her and Ryan's family. I just wanted to say a big God bless you Ryan! I remember meeting you at IG after my cousin Terry moved. I remember Tash and I being pregnant at the same time and you and Scott and I talking with excitement. I'd run into Tash at Dr. Ray's and then you'd come over to get our signature or something and we'd talk kids. You always would say how Jorja and Talyn were doing the same things and we'd ooh and ahh while looking at your pix on your laptop! I saw you last Fall at Dr. Rays and I cherish that memory of you and Tash getting adjustments. I just want you to know that I remember. And I'll never forget; none of us will. Love, Vicki, Scott and Jorja Wearmouth.

Anonymous said...

Ryan,
I am still remembering the last time I saw you I got one of your classic bear hug super squeezes. Joff and I think about you every day with Peace, Love and Happiness - Jill and Joff xo

Carol Westberg said...

Dear Ryan ,Tasha and Tayln....I only met you once Ryan...but I have been privleged to have had one of your bear hugs and because I have met you I will never forget you.....when the cancer journey I am on comes to an end I hope and pray that I can be as brave and courageous as you have been.You will be in my heart forever...
Gentle Hugs
Carol

Anonymous said...

Dutz,

I am seldom at a loss for words, but I have to tell you that thoughts are certainly hard to put on "paper" right now. What I can tell you is that I am in awe of the way you and your family have approached your battle. You have refused to take a step back and you have certainly helped everyone take stock of what is important. As you continue your journey, I want you to know the profound effect that your outlook has had on everyone around you. I pray that you will continue to open your heart and find ultimate peace. Remember as well, the BIG GUY will never play a 2/7 offsuit. Love ya Brother!

Anonymous said...

With much love we say, may the journey onto your next chapter be an adventure, what ever that may be?Be sure to take your strength, courage and much love you have had in this chapter with yo . Thinking of you now and forever. You will be remembered for inspiration and perspective on what life is really all about.
Hugs, great big hugs for you!
Always,
Lindsy and Mikael Sabo
xoxo

Anonymous said...

Hey brother

Amanda is now in labour. They have just induced her so we should have the baby in a few hours. We were just talking about you and thought we'd send you a well wish for the day.

I hope this thought brings a smile to you today.

Love chris Amanda and baby

Cathy Sinclair said...

Dear Ryan,

I went to St.Pius with you, but I was in the English Program. I want to thank you for all of your inspiraton. When I see your beautiful family pictures I have to think "What an amazingly blessed life you have had, and how blessed are we to have even had a moment of your time, even if it was playing Tackle Loo Loo in an elementary school play ground." Thank you Ryan for sharing your story and sharing your smile with so many people. God Bless you always.
Cathy Sinclair

missannalee said...

Looking to your words and reading your blog daily for inspiration and support