Find out this morning at 8:30 am that the beast has decided to make a new statement. The MRI from yesterday does unfortunatley show the area of concern is starting to grow. DAMN IT!!! What I wouldn't do to have some time off from this beast to just enjoy some chill time.
The update that was scheduled on Global TV today has been cancelled. I called them after leaving the Tom Baker and let them know that what we thought was good news, isn't that great anymore.
On a good note, we have put an immediate stop to the VP-16 chemo and the super-expensive Avastin. The question now is where do we go from here. I had about 5 minutes of sadness, tears, anger and giving up before I hopped back into the left side of the plane to start the flight through the storm. I thought that I had it on cruise control.
I can sit here and explain the anger and sadness of this morning, yet that is a complete waste of energy for both you and I. Being this way would solely allow the cancer to actually believe in itself more confidently. I don't state this to say that I will beat this ongoing challenge. I may very well be gone in a few months. I've spent a lot of time over the last 15 months to think and review the true purpose of my existence (and what may apply to everyone).
We are here to enjoy life in as many ways as possible. We are here to learn (and this does not apply to school). We are here to spread love to others to ensure that they feel it. We are here to accept the reality that is around us, as it is something that we will never control. Most importantly...we are here to know ourselves. After all, that is all that we can take with us when the time comes to go.
Happy Holidays to everyone out there. I plan to say this for many more years.
Peace, love and happiness!
5 weeks ago