The Last Post

It has been just over 3 months now since the clock marked 4 am, on the 4th day of the 4th month - Easter Sunday, when we lost our love - Ryan/Daddy. But still everything we have learned from him and continue to learn every day, remains strong with us both. Ryan is everywhere for us - in the house we live, in the things we do, in who we are and who we will continue to become.

We know that the best thing we can do for him now, is to live the life he would have wanted to have with us. One full of laughter, big hugs, many smiles and sharing it all with our friends. His blog and his book have been the way that he hoped to communicate what he has learned to as many people as possible. So that no one else would have to go through what he did, to learn the lessons.

His blog will be kept up as long as possible, so that you can check in from time to time to remember the amazing gift he left us all. But it doesn't seem right for me to post on it anymore - it was his place.

I leave you with two reminders of his life. They are both songs that his best friend Kevin found over the past few months to help us remember what he would have wanted us to. The first one we played at his celebration of life, in case you were there. The other is another song filled with messages that Ryan believed as well.

Our love and thanks to you all for helping us smile a little bit more throughout this journey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzkZPI-HKsk&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO9duGVo7FY

Ryan, Ryan Everywhere....

The loss of Ryan is getting a bit easier with the amazing events and gifts popping up everywhere...a Ryan Westerman golf tournament, a hockey team in the Face Off Against Cancer in his memory, 2 riders that I know of in the Ride to Conquer Cancer, a mention in the Calgary Sun today for his book, some additions to home gardens with a "Ryan's Patch" and a star in the sky purchased in his name.

You might be thinking...wow that's a lot of stuff! And it is, but he left a big hole and this is helping to fill it.

If you want to sponsor one of the riders that is riding for Ryan in the next few weeks, here's a link to his page:

http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR/Events/Alberta2010?px=1891659&pg=personal&fr_id=1332

Stop, Drop and Smile - Available Now!

Today is an amazing day…Ryan’s book “Stop, Drop and Smile” is officially ready for sale. Ryan left us on April 4, 2010, but he wanted to make sure that he lived on through his message. His hope was that as we went about our daily challenges, we would stop and take a moment to think about “a guy named Ryan” and that would give us the perspective we needed to get through whatever we were dealing with and maybe even with a smile.

Many people helped to make this happen, but extra special thanks to:

Susan Pederson – without whom this book wouldn’t have happened
Scott McKay – who created the website to allow this book to be available to more people

As well as: Blitz Printing, Colleen (designer), Michelle (photographer), Ellen (proofing), Tricia (quotes), Sheri & Lori (distribution) and our friends and family who helped to make the “smile” parts possible.

Please follow this link to get Ryan’s book. We are donating 25% of the net proceeds to Rosedale Hospice, who gave us a great last few months with Ryan because of their amazing care for us all.

Enjoy… http://www.stopdropandsmile.com/

Love to you all,
Tasha and Talyn

Smiles for Ryan Event - June 5

Family Photography Fundraiser

Smiles for Ryan is a benefit in the memory of Ryan, to raise funds for the Rosedale Hospice, where Ryan spent the last months of his life. As you know, Ryan was known for his infectious smile, and his ability to brighten the day of those around him.

The Rosedale Hospice relies on donations from the community. So, on Saturday, June 5th, 2010, Christina (plus) Nathan Photography will be taking family photographs for a minimum donation of $100 to Rosedale Hospice.

For complete details and to book your session, please contact Nathan at: cplusnphoto@gmail.com

For portfolio examples, visit us on the web at christinaplusnathan.com

On June 5th, bring your smile and help us support this invaluable resource for families in need!

Smiles for Ryan Event

We are making a date change for this event and wanted to keep you all in the loop. It will be held the weekend of June 5/6 instead now....more details to come really soon!

Tasha

Things On The Horizon

Hi everyone, it's Tash. Thanks so much for all of the support you have provided us over the past few weeks, it does really help us along a little bit better. Although it may seem like things have been quiet, we have been working on a few things that I wanted to pass along.

Firstly, there is a group working on a website to sell the book (stopdropandsmile.com) and we have some books that are being printed right now. We hope to have everything up and running within the next couple of weeks so stay tuned for how you can get one.

Also, a couple of friends are putting together a fundraiser called "Smiles for Ryan" with proceeds going to Rosedale Hospice - the amazing place that took such good care of us all for the past couple of months. It will be the May long weekend and they will be offering up their photography services for family photo sessions for a donation. We should more details within the next week on that too.

Until then, keep smiling for Ryan!

Celebration of Ryan's Life

The Celebration of Ryan's Life will take place Thursday April 8th at 2:00 pm MST at
Foster's Garden Chapel Funeral Home & Crematorium with a coffee reception to follow

Ryan has asked that everyone wear lots of color and if you are wearing black, that it be accompanied by color and a funky style.　 He was known for his pink converse in high school…so feel free to get them out if you have them!

3220 4 St NW
Calgary, AB T2M 3A5
(403) 297-0888

In memory of Ryan, Tasha and Talyn would ask that any donations be made to The Rosedale Hospice (HOSPICE CALGARY SOCIETY) whose loving staff took Ryan into their hearts and provided compassion and comfort through the last part of his journey
http://www.hospicecalgary.com/index.php/for_donations/for_donations

Ryan is at peace

Ryan's courageous battle with cancer ended today April 4th at 4:00 am. In his last day he was surrounded by his family and swarmed with love. His fight ended peacefully without pain. As you all know he was an amazing husband, father, son, brother, friend and most of all an amazing gift for all of us.

"When you are sorrowful, Look again in your heart And you shall see that, in truth, That for which you are weeping Has been your delight. " ---author unknown

We will post more details on arrangements for the celebration of his life as they become known. Please feel free to post your feelings and thoughts at this time.

News from the pad

Update by Kevin
Updates are tough I am not sure what to say. On the positive side Ryan was up for a warm bath and a great hair wash yesterday in the special tub at the hospice. We had classical music playing and Ryan sat back relaxed and enjoyed a nice warm bath. We also watched a period of hockey together before he dozed back off. Conversations are not really possible now. The words are very scrambled and even just trying to figure out he needed socks this morning took about ten minutes of deciphering. Pain breaks through every once and a while but the hospice has been great at jumping on this quickly and managing it as best as possible.
I know several people have asked about visiting Ryan. In trying to balance out everything for his family and his legacy he specifically stated he did not want people to see him in this state. His room is now filled with 95% cancer and 5% Ryan. Remember all the great moments, remember those big hugs you had, and that big smile. The best help you can give now are: all the great messages from the blog, we read to him each day, I know that your thoughts on easing his pain and also your love connect with him always. When Tasha tells him about the many lives he has touched that big smile shows up again.

Laying low...kind of

It's Tasha and Kevin - trying our best to be Ryan, so bear with us!

Ryan has had lots of ups over the past 2 weeks. 2 flames games....one with the Crowes and Talyn and one with Kev, Don and Robb. The one with the little boys was entertaining and Talyn's first game. I was worried that he asked me "momma, I wonder if they have a play place" within the first few minutes. But then he settled in. The second game the boys were sitting right behind the Flames Docs - talk about amazing seats. The flames didn't fare as well, but they had a great time anyhow.

The other big up was the first printing of his book! On Tuesday night he was presented with the first 2 proof copies of his book - Stop, Drop and Smile. Many thanks again to everyone who helped make this happen. We are now working on the printing of the first 200 copies and how we will distribute them.

The downs. A fall happened on the day we were going to the flames game. Ryan's legs buckled while going to his closet and he hit his knee and head. His head left a good dent in the hospice wall but in typical Ryan spirit he would not be deterred from going to the Flames game. Ryan now needs someone with him whenever he gets out of bed to ensure safety

The next down are headaches. Bad headaches have begun. They are in the back of the neck and head and Ryan describes the pain as a 10. The doctors have given him Tylenol, and morphine bringing the pain down to a 4 -5. This has left Ryan very tired and sleepy and he is spending most hours asleep with brief periods of time awake for conversing and eating. Although most of his appetite has dissipated.

The best help you can provide right now are: positive thoughts posted on his blog, and your continued thoughts and prayers for minimizing his pain.

We will continue to update you on Ryan's behalf

The joy of being at the pad

I am writing this in a sarcastic way, due to the fact that I have now been here for 6 weeks and as much as I enjoy the people that are here to help me out, the bottom line is I don't like being here. It's a nice place to be to die, which is what it's meant to do, but I don't want to die. The biggest challenge is that as time goes on, my ability to move around gets less and less, the words from my brain aren't as strong as they used to be and my ability to have conversations doesn't really exist anymore.

I am trying to be as strong as I possibly can. But there is also a large part of me that has given up. I've been so strong all of these years dealing with my situation, but a lot of me wants to let go.

I am having more problems with my situation, due to the fact that I am waiting to die. I don't necessarily believe it, but it definitely tempts me a lot more. I feel as though I'm giving up but the reality is I think anybody would feel this way.

My times of happiness are no longer as frequent as they were before. I realize that my time left has to be enjoyed, but right now there is a lot of bitterness inside of me. Hopefully it will get better with time.

Nothing crazy happening

Been a couple of weeks since I last updated my blog. I've gone through a change with my computer so I haven't had access to it for a while - but it's a huge relief to have it again. I would love to give you something interesting to read about but it's good that I haven't had anything crazy happen. This is why I don't have a lot to say.

My time at the pad is great as always, definitely have gotten into a groove being here. I still enjoy going home every weekend for one or two nights, but also want to ensure it's not too much pressure on Tasha and Talyn for me to be there, as I see them every day anyways. The most important thing is that I'm taking the best possible care of myself.

My brother is in town right now visiting, which is giving him and I some good one on one time. I am heading home for tomorrow to spend the day at my house and will come back to the pad Sunday. I hope everyone is doing well.

Talk to you soon.

Spent a couple of days at home

Hi everyone, hope all is well. I am definitely settled into my pad. I actually find a strong sense of relief due to my situation. But the great part is that I can still get away and do other things. I was lucky enough to spend 2 nights at my house.

My in-laws were in town for the weekend, which was great. I got to spend time with them, Talyn and Tasha. It's also great for me to come back to my pad and have some veg time. As that is so incredibly important for me to try and have.

In a good way though, it's been pretty hard for me to get a lot of veg time, due to the incredible love and support I have through my friends and family. As I may have said before, there is always a bright side to everything in life and this is definitely one.

We all know that my chances are fairly low of me getting through this, but I still feel very confident that I will. What is great to know is whether I make it or not, I will pass on as an extremely happy man, due to the incredible wife and son that I have. I feel that I have accepted that I may move on, at the same time I feel the most at peace that I have ever felt.

We have some more friends coming to town this weekend for Valentine's Day. But I also have to ensure that I am not "partying too much", as my number one priority is taking care of myself.

Hope everyone is having a great day. Happy Valentine's Day!

Talk to you soon

Hola from the pad

Hi everyone,

I hope that all is well. Things for me are doing well.

Totally used to the changes of being at the hospice. I have chosen to change the term "hospice" to "my pad". After all, I can pretty well get anything I want. Please understand that I'm not saying this in an arrogant manner. I'm just letting cancer know that even though I'm supposed to die here b/c of the past history, I have no intention of doing so. After all, my "pad" is referred to as the "Magic" room. The reasoning behind that is due to the fact that only two patients have ever walked out of this hospice and it was from this room where they had stayed. I am choosing to focus all of my energy on those two people while focusing on myself to get better so that I can be the third person to walk out of this hospice.

The way that I've always thought about anything in life is why does it make logical sense to focus on all of the dieing when I can simply focus on the living. The staff here are phenomenal and has made life for me so much easier to invest all of my energy in getting better. I love them all already, even though I haven't met that many of them, they are outstanding!!!!

Going to be updating things quite a bit and love you all.

As I've said before; Peace, Love and Happiness.

Ciao for now

At the hospice

Hi there,

It's official. I am now a patient at the hospice and am enjoying being here for medical reasoning plus the security of the help that I have around me all the time.

As I have mentioned before, I have no intention of dying here, yet I treat this as the best place for me to heal. 2 people that have been in this room, that I am in now, should have dyed and and have walked out. That is all that I will focus on; nothing else.

Will keep you posted as time goes by.

Over and out.

Off to the hospice

Unfortunately the time has come for me to leave my place and move to a hospice for safety and preparation to move on to whereever it is we go. Ironically, I find myself the most confident about this challenge due to the fact that I know there are people that have walked out of the hospice and I want to be one of them. I can choose to let go and prepare myself to die and I have actually prepared myself to move on, but I refuse to give in.

As you all know, the movie Gladiator has been an inspirational way to go about things and even though it looks like the enemy is going to win this battle, I still refuse to give in. I am going to the hospice to ensure I am taken care of should the time come and also to make things easier for my wife, Tasha and my son, Talyn, as if the cancer takes over and I die, I don't want it to be in our house.

I'm obviously extremely pissed off, especially now that it's hard for me to move around and do something as simple as the dishes. It does emphasize though how lucky we are to be able to do something so simple as that. And it is unfortunate that we don't realize it until the time comes.

As I've said before, humans are extremely smart creatures, yet we are also extremely crazy. We have been given this gift to live and enjoy our time, yet we let the small stuff get under our skin and eat us up. Please do everything you possibly can to not be that way. All that I know is that I would do anything tomorrow morning to wake up and go "Oh - it's Monday morning, I gotta go to work". I think I've said it before, please keep what I am going through in your back pocket as a thought to use if you're having a bad day. Because not having the ability to live the life you want, is the worst thing possible. And anything above that, is really not that bad.

Take care for now,
Ryan

How drastic changes can easily happen

Hi everyone,

Sorry that it's taken awhile to be in touch. As I mentioned in my last Blog, things have taken quite a change for the worst. It turns out that that was an understatement compared to now.

I'm sitting here writing with more blindness and partial paralysis on my right side after having a significant downturn in events over the past two weeks. It was on New Year's Eve that I fell over while I was getting dressed. I truly realized that something was wrong and with tears in my eyes, I asked Tasha to come upstairs to talk to me about what was happening.

I let her know that I was now experiencing partial paralysis in my right side, but was hoping that it was simply a side effect of the CCNU chemotherapy treatment. She called in and the doctors requested me to go into emergency. After spending quite a few hours in emergency, it was determined that it might have been a stroke and wanted me to stay. I was pretty upset to be spending New Year's Eve in the hospital, but oh-well, you do what you gotta do.

Turns out that I was able to leave for a few hours on New Year's Day because they weren't able to get me in for an MRI just yet. I did the MRI on January 2 and things went downhill from that point forward. The results showed that my tumour now had progressed to my brain stem and there was nothing else that they could do to help me. I was told that it was best to be in contact with a hospice and get myself prepared to go onto the next world (whatever that might be).

Since then I've made adjustments to walking and my home life with respect to helping me get around. I am using a cane on my left side to help me balance and am partially paralyzsed on the right side. It took a couple of days for us to digest what was going on. But with my past experience it wasn't that hard and I stole an idea from a great book "Tuesday's with Morrie". It was about having a party while I am still here with close friends and family.

On Friday night we had 60 people over for food and drinks. Lots of pictures were taken to remember what was going on if I do actually pass away soon. It was so nice to see so many people and to feel the love that I have around me, which I am very lucky to have. One thing that really stands out to me about this situation is that as bad as this might be, I am very fortunate to have what I do.

Tasha and I were back on the news again today so that we can do what we can to help other people take advantage of the fact that we even exist. To ensure that the small stuff means nothing and what is truly important is LOVE, PEACE and HAPPINESS. This life we live is full of chaos so please do yourself a favour and take the time to slow things down. Otherwise, you won't even see it until the time comes to go.

I will be continuing with my blog as time goes on to fill you in on any changes. Although I do feel very confident that I will be here for quite a while, I have also accepted that I might not be.

Peace, Love, Happiness.

Ciao for now...